Tinder For Relationships

Tinder is unquestionably the hottest mobile dating app of the moment. In case you've taken up residence under a large rock, the new app, similar to the famous “Hot or Not” website, utilizes Facebook profile information, gender preferences, and geographic location to match people based on mutually “liking” photos.

Media sources have been touting Tinder as the “get-laid quick app” and a direct product of hook-up culture. At one time or another you’ve probably laughed with your friends about how Tinder is like window shopping in the Red Light district without the service fee. Just swipe right for “yes,” and before you know it, a cocktail turns into a one-night stand. But is hooking up really that hard?

Compare the amount of women with whom you’ve hooked up to the amount of your serious relationships. Hook-ups are easy; that’s why dimly lit, loud nightclubs and cheap beer were created. It’s a lot harder to find someone that makes you desire a serious relationship, especially if you’re trying to connect through a strobe light and over the most recent Aviciitrack. What if I told you that Tinder was actually created to focus on relationships, not hooking up? Tinder was intended to help reduce the time it takes to find someone attractive while relieving the risk and the social anxieties of meeting new people cold.

Here are the top 6 mistakes you’re making if you’re using Tinder to find a relationship:

Your profile looks like you’re still in “Frat” mode: If you want a girl that is relationship material, you need to present yourself as relationship material. Delete any shirtless selfies, “promiscuous” pics, or alcohol- and drug-related photos. Delete sexual innuendo from your “About me” section and replace it with a “call to action” that fits your interest level and something genuinely unique about yourself. Ask your female friends their first impressions of your Tinder profile. You may be surprised by the assumptions they make from just a little bit of information.

You're not screening properly: You don’t get more points for having more matches. Stop swiping right for every “doable” woman. Take time deciding if her profile actually fits what you want from a relationship.

Dating to date: A date with a little bit of boredom and alcohol can easily turn into a morning-after regret. Meeting up with someone who doesn’t have long-term potential is a waste of money and time. Focus on quality, not quantity, and invest your resources wisely.

But you thought it’d be more: Make sure to evaluate your date’s intentions as well. Tinder, just like any in-person dating situation, is full of people that are not looking for a relationship — people on vacation, just looking for fun, a hook-up or to cheat. Does your date appear to be interested in developing more of a connection, or is she focusing on her next lemon drop? Pay attention to the obvious signs that a hook-up is clearly just a hook-up.

Looking at the wrong time: Tindering past midnight is exactly like strolling the bars looking to take someone home. It also implies that you are lonely, desperate or looking to hook up. None of these things scream “relationship material.” Tinder in the morning, during lunch or after work. People tend to spend time on their phone apps during commutes or down time, which are perfect opportunities to have a more meaningful conversation.  

You don’t build the right amount of comfort: Treat your Tinder matches just like girls you’ve met in person. Hook-ups get invited from Tinder messenger to a bar with friends, relationships get each stage of communication and a personal date. Move from Tinder messenger to regular texts and then to phone calls.

Tinder is a great tool to bring together people who may be attracted to each other. Represent that you want a relationship by how you present yourself and how you evaluate and treat your matches. Swiping right doesn’t have to mean you just want to hook-up. It can be the start of the screening process to determine if you want to make that match a one night stand or begin to explore a long term relationship. Also, once you do get in an incredible relationship with a girl on Tinder, then you get to have the "OK, let's both delete our Tinder accounts" conversation. But you'd already deleted yours, right?